The world would be a much better place, in my humble opinion, if we listen to our bodies and our needs with self-compassion and take care of ourselves. Move when we need to, eat healthy food when we’re hungry, and sleep when we’re tired.

(“Moving” doesn’t necessarily mean running 5 miles or hitting the gym, though those can be powerful activities. It can be as simple as walking around the block and feeling the sun on your face or the rain in your hair, or dancing alone in your living room to really awesome music.)

Taking care of ourselves puts us in a more grounded, centered place from which to do our work with passion and creativity, and to extend that compassion to others.

And where does massage fit in? It’s in a category of activities — like  a dance class, maybe, or gentle yoga  – that many people think of as a “luxury,” something they’ll do when they “have time.” Or maybe it’s a special treat when one feels they “deserve” it (funny how that happens once every two years or so). Here’s the thing: You deserve to do things that bring you true joy (and that don’t hurt others) simply because you are alive. You don’t need to justify taking care of yourself to that voice in your head that says you “shouldn’t” do something.

Maybe it’s getting regular massages, or maybe it’s signing up for a singing or art class. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you get up out of your figurative chair and move.

Researchers at the National Institutes of Health have found that receiving a massage helps reduce your stress hormones and increase hormones that help your body relax. Those effect occur after just one massage.

Cortisol, a hormone that triggers our fight or flight response, was shown to decrease with Swedish massage. Cortisol is good in dangerous situations, such as running from a bear like our ancestors had to do. It’s not so great if you’re stuck in traffic or rushing to get dinner on the table. By reducing cortisol, massage can help take it down a notch, leaving you room to breathe and feel present and grounded. Massage also increases ocytocin, which is associated with feeling content and happy.

These massage benefits are in addition to helping muscles relax, increasing mobility and encouraging blood and lymph flow.

So that feel-good feeling after receiving a massage is not all about luxurious pampering. Massage has a direct impact on your health and well-being.

Dear Amy: It has been interesting to read how different people handle toddler meltdowns. My father’s method seemed to be effective.

Whenever my brother or I would have a meltdown, we would go off on an extensive search for our “composure.” We would look everywhere — under the couch (“No, I don’t see your composure here), behind the door (“Still not here), until we finally calmed down.

I don’t remember ever officially finding my composure, and it took me until I was about 6 to realize that “composure” is not a concrete object!

This spoke to me as a parent who has dealt with many, many meltdowns and who still struggles with how to handle them. And it strikes me that it’s a useful approach to handle our own adult freak outs as well.

When we’re stuck in traffic and afraid of being late for a meeting, or when our checking account is low and we’re afraid of not having enough money, or when any number of stressful things happen in a day, we may tend to spiral the situation out of control in our heads. We may create worst-case scenarios of horrible, terrible things that will happen, and start to have our adult version of a meltdown. For example, I tend to panic while driving if I run up against any traffic, and if it goes on for too long, pound the steering wheel, yell, and fret about all this time that is being wasted.

I wonder if our inner grown-up selves could, with grace and compassion, help our inner freaking-out selves find their composure in these situations. Maybe allowing the time to breathe, be present and find our composure would let us approach life with a more centered, grounded perspective.

Where our composure ends up might surprise us.

Quite often, I’ll hear something like “I don’t know why my shoulder is bothering me, my desk and chair are set up correctly.”

That’s when I say: “What about your mouse?”

Where the mouse is placed on your desk can cause a lot of havoc on your body. When I worked in the corporate world, I developed what I call “mouse shoulder.” My keyboard and screen were set up perfectly. To move my mouse around, however, I was reaching my arm in front and away from my body, diagonally from my torso. While my keyboard was on a tray below my computer, my mouse was up on the desk, forcing me to elevate my shoulder to reach it. Over time, my shoulder started to ache, pain was shooting down my arm, and sometimes my arm would feel numb. The pain was waking me at night.

Our shoulders are inherently weak joints. They are built to do a wide range of movements, but the compromise for that flexibility is stability. Holding our arms diagonally away from our torsos and conducting fine movements with our shoulder muscles for 5-7 hours (or more) a day is not something they were built to do.

The result overtime can be strain to the rotator cuff muscles, small muscles that work like crazy to stabilize the shoulder joint, or bigger muscles such as the deltoid or trapezius.

Here are some ways to cope with or prevent mouse shoulder:

• Keep your elbow tucked in by your side. The intent is to keep your mouse as close to your body and your keyboard as possible so you don’t have to reach.
• Avoid “mouse creep.” I have noticed that during a long day working on an important project, my mouse tends to creep back and away from my body. This is when it’s time to catch yourself and move the mouse back to the optimal position.
• Change your mouse hand. If you are right hand dominate, try using your left hand for a while. It likely will be a challenge at first! And it may not be something you can do all the time. However, giving your dominant hand a break every once in a while can help, and over time, your other hand might start to catch up to speed.
• Get a trackball. Often used for people with wrist pain, a tracker ball can help with shoulder issues, too. Since it’s stationary, you won’t need to move your arm around as you do with a mouse. You can keep it close to your keyboard and avoid mouse creep.
• Take breaks! Do some shoulder rolls and neck stretches every hour at least. Check in with your posture: Are your shoulders back and your shoulder blades gliding down your back? Get up and walk around the office.

This has me thinking, what are we really giving our mothers (or wives, girlfriends, sisters, etc.) when we treat them to a massage?

For some, it’s the idea of “pampering” as an acknowledgement for all that these amazing women have done for us and for others. And this is fine. We all deserve to be “pampered” from time to time, to feel as though someone else is in charge and taking care of us.

However, I think “pampering” doesn’t fully describe the power of receiving a massage. It sometimes brings to my mind a child being indulged by his grandparents with every whim and desire, or a king passively sitting on his throne in complete luxury and being tended to by his servants.

This is not my idea of the power of massage.

Massage can be luxurious and indulgent. It also has the power to be healing, nurturing and grounding. It can help you feel connected to your body, so you can approach your life off of the massage table with more focus and clarity. You are not passive when you receive a massage – even if you fall asleep! Your brain is actively integrating the physical sensations it receives. Your heart rate actively decreases. Your immune system actively improves. These are all good things.

I’ve been reading Bluebird: Women and the New Psychology of Happiness by Ariel Gore. One quote by a woman in this book has stayed with me:

“I think we are intrinsically maternal beings. And we like to be mothered. I think we like caring for and being cared for. Happiness comes when we are balanced in both roles.”

I feel this myself, and I think it’s one of the reasons I love what I do. I feel I am doing my life’s work when nurturing my clients with massage. And I need the nurturing that comes with regular massage (or yoga, or meditation, or gardening, or whatever it may be).

One client, who is a mother, told me recently that her regular massages have “helped me a lot to remember that I have a body and am not only a problem solver/ errand doer/ taxi driver.” (Wow, what an honor to be part of that for her.) Massage can be part of a path for finding our core self, for feeling in our skin, and for reminding us to be in the present moment.

This is what you are giving when you give the gift of massage.

Happy Mother’s Day.

PS: email me at massage@groundingtree.com or call 503-481-9138 if you would like to order a last-minute massage gift certificate for Mother’s Day.

Here they are. They lie behind larger muscles that are cut away in this drawing.

The suboccipitals are small but extremely important for pain-free ease of movement.

• They connect your skull to the first two vertebrae of the spine (the atlas and the axis).
• They are important postural muscles. When they are balanced and working properly, they help align your cranium on top of your spine.
• They do the small, intrinsic movements we all do many, many times a day, such as turning your head while driving or nodding slightly.

Because they are postural muscles, they can easily become tight or unbalanced. Think of your posture after you’ve been, say, sitting at a computer for two hours working on an important project. Your upper back and shoulders are likely rounded and hunched, your chest muscles are likely shortened and tight, and your head likely sits forward from it’s optimum position.

This head forward position puts a lot of strain on these little suboccipitals. When muscles get tight, they can develop trigger points, which refer pain to elsewhere in the body. Tension headaches can occur because of trigger points in these muscles.

To help ease the strain on these muscles, take breaks throughout your day and glide your head back to neutral. You’re not tipping your head back, but rather gliding it along the same plane until your ears are over your shoulders. (You may need a friend to help you with this.). To help that along, you’ll want to bring your shoulders back slightly and glide your shoulder blades down your back. Think “heart lifting” (rather than sticking your chest out).

Try this two or three times a day, more if you can remember. With continual practice, you are sending a message to your brain that this is the “normal” way to hold your head.

Another interesting fact about these suboccipitals: one of them, the “rectus capitus posterior minor,” actually sends its connective fibers into the dura, which is the protective layer that surrounds the brain and the spinal cord. Some believe that relaxing this muscle helps with the flow of cerebral spinal fluid and improves neurological function. Massage can help relax these muscles.

Breathe

Breathing fully and deeply helps promote relaxation and inner calm, allowing us to better cope with daily stress. Studies show that deep diaphragmatic breathing automatically begins the process of switching your body from a heightened “fight or flight” state to a calmer, more grounded state.

How do you know if you’re breathing deeply? Put one hand on your heart and the other on your abdomen. When you inhale, does your stomach expand first, or your chest? If you are using your diaphragm, your stomach will expand on the inhale, and slowly retract toward your spine on the exhale.

As parents, of course, our challenge is remembering to tap into that natural, rhythmic breath when your child is crying or throwing a tantrum, the phone is ringing, and the water for macaroni and cheese is boiling. One way is to develop a regular practice of paying attention to your breath, if even just for 2 minutes when brushing your teeth or taking a shower. A common method is to count in your head on your inhale and exhale; when you reach 10, start over again.

The more you can develop attention on your breathe in these few fleeting moments of relative quiet, you’ll be better able to use your breath to your advantage when life becomes more hectic.

Lift and carry children correctly

Low back pain is a common complaint of parents. Pregnancy can cause a tremendous strain on muscles that support the spine. Lifting and carrying children, too, can lead to chronic soreness and pain. Developing a habit of properly lifting and holding your child while she is an infant will help reduce physical pain and strain as she gets older.

Lifting:

• Bend at the knees, not at the waist. LIft with your leg muscles.

• Keep your abdominal muscles slightly contracted to protect your lower back.

• Try to lift with your child close in to your body. Using extended, outstretched arms places strain on your shoulder and neck. Let down the side of the crib instead of reaching in, and remove the high chair tray when putting your child in or taking her out.

• Get close to the car seat when loading and unloading your child. Kneel on the back seat. Try to reduce positions in which you bend and twist at the same time.

Carrying:

• As much as possible, avoid carrying your child on your hip. Switch sides when you hold your infant. Uneven distribution of weight creates muscle imbalances and can strain tendons and ligaments.

• When you’re nursing, ensure proper support to minimize stress on your low back. Don’t lean over your baby. Sit in a chair with good support, not a soft couch.

• Use a carrier in front that ensures even weight distribution.

Being conscious of how we use our body is key. It’s easy to revert to old habits when feeling harried or tired. One method is to become aware of your body movements when you’re doing an activity such as sports or housework. For example, do you vacuum by stretching your arms out from your shoulder joint (an inherently weak part of our body)? Or do you keep the vacuum close to your body and use your (much stronger) leg muscles to move? Paying attention like this can help train your awareness for those times when you’re balancing five different tasks at once.

Use essential oils

Our sense of smell offers a powerful direct connection to our emotions. Pure essential oils of plants can instill feelings of relaxation, rejuvenation, happiness and energy. It’s important that pure essential oils are used, and not perfume oils, which have little therapeutic value. You can find quality essential oils online or at natural grocery stores.

You can add essential oils to a hot bath, or create a room spray by adding oils to distilled water in a clean spray bottle with a fine-mist setting.

Lavender is a good basic oil to start with; it is a gentle sedative that helps relax and calm heightened emotions. Add 10 drops or so (depending on how much scent you want) to your bath, or mix 30-40 drops with 3 ounces of distilled water for a room mist.

Many oils should not be used for specific conditions, such as pregnancy, so be sure to read about the safety of your oils before you use them. There are many books and resources for learning more about essential oils. Online, check out aromaweb.com

Get a massage

Parents can benefit from regular massage in two key ways: relieving physical pain and soreness, and calming emotional stress.

Physical: Sore and tired muscles need a break. Massage loosens up tight areas, improves joint motility, increases blood flow and decreases pain. A qualified massage therapist will ask about your symptoms and adjust the massage to meet your specific needs. Scheduling a massage on a regular basis will help achieve more dynamic results.

Emotional: We parents spend a lot of time caring for other people. A massage allows us to “check out” for an hour and nurture our body and soul, thereby giving us more energy and patience for our daily demands. Massage can lower blood pressure, decrease hormones associated with stress, and increase alertness — all characteristics of a relaxation response.

It’s common for people, especially busy parents, to forget about massage until they feel they need one — right now! Instead of waiting for that desperate feeling, make your appointment well in advance. At the end of a massage is a good time to reschedule the next one.

For more on the benefits of massage, click here. To ask a question or schedule a massage with Pam Lyons, email massage@groundingtree.com

Stretch and strengthen your body

Gentle exercises, such as abdominal strengtheners, can help tone muscles to provide support for your low back, shoulders, and other areas that tend to become sore when carrying kids. Stretching slowly and regularly can help improve mobility and decrease tension. Proper exercises also can prevent injuries from happening in the first place.

You should never feel pain when you stretch or exercise. If it hurts, don’t do it.

Check back to this website soon for more details about stretching and strengthening. In the meantime, ask your doctor for exercises for your specific needs, or check out resources on the web. This link, while geared toward athletes, shows some lower body stretches that may help with low-back pain.

Think about how much of your day you spend under stress: paying bills, rushing to an appointment, being stuck in traffic, getting dinner on the table. All those “little” life stressors add up, and take their toll on your health. Constant exposure to excess stress hormones suppresses the immune system, increases heart rate and blood pressure and interferes with digestion. Muscles tense up, cause pain and stiffness. Sleep is compromised

Massage helps reverse these effects. Muscle tension and pain is released, allowing for ease of movement. Blood pressure and heart rate drops. Massage aids digestion, boosts the immune system and improves sleep. And it gives your mind a break from daily worries…all so you feel more balanced, grounded and prepared to handle whatever life throws your way.

Click here to learn more about the benefits of massage.